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wanktissue:

wanktissue:

i just found a dusty box full of marbles under my bed with “john morris” written on the inside in a 10 year old’s writing and i asked dad why this box of marbles belonging to a 10 year old john morris was under my bed and he said “that kid stuck my head in the toilet in 6th grade so my older brother broke into his house and stole his prized box of marbles”

oh my god

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(Source: flubberwasanokmovie)

miaman:

can you imagine

the next time someone asks you if you’re planning on having kids

and you say “no”

and they give that knowing smile and say “you will change your mind, someday”

suddenly a time portal opens up and like 60-year-old version of you sticks their head out and and goes “INCORRECT”

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